Unfolding Light

I am on my deathbed.
Here are gathered
my most beloved,
nine around me,
and behind them twenty more,
and beyond a million more,
a great circle of those to whom I belong.

As the great eye closes
they start to fade.
—But look! It is they who depart, not I!

I am here in my present moment,
in my belovedness forever.
But they are drifting off into mystery,
into unknown futures, hidden wonders,
unseen dangers, unimagined losses.
I worry for them.

I lean against the fading.
I push my way back.
I come to them alive and vibrant.

Now. I have this time, these hours
or decades,
to love them well,
to love them fully and fiercely
before they are taken from me.

My life is my deathbed,
and nothing but love my final act.

__________________
Steve Garnaas-Holmes
Unfolding Light
www.unfoldinglight.net
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             “Let the tree alone for one more year,
             until I dig around it and put manure on it.
             If it bears fruit next year, well and good…”
                         —Luke 13.8-9

God, your judgment
is not punishment but mercy,
what nourishes me,
even if it comes in disruption,
and having to deal with some shit.

Holy One,
how are you digging around
in the soil of my soul?
What are you disturbing?
Loosening? Unearthing?
Give me patience to abide,
and wisdom to attend.

Show me how I might be nurtured
by the crap I endure.
Your will is not to punish or to test,
but to enrich the soil of my heart
so I may grow in trust and generosity,
and bear the fruit of your love.
In all things, God, feed my soul.

__________________
Steve Garnaas-Holmes
Unfolding Light
www.unfoldinglight.net
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Beloved, God of peace,
          I listen for your voice alone.

Amid chaos and disturbance
          I tune my heart to the silence within.

Amid the swirling, the urgency,
          I surrender to your serenity.

Despite the shouting of hate and greed
          I seek harmony with your love.

Despite the noise of force and threat
          I tune myself to your song of peace.

Even despite my fear of unworthiness,
          bring my heart into perfect pitch.

Tune my heart to your love,
          that I may live in harmony with your grace.

Amen.

__________________
Steve Garnaas-Holmes
Unfolding Light
www.unfoldinglight.net
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             Do you think that because these Galileans
             suffered in this way they were worse sinners
             than all other Galileans?
             No, I tell you; but unless you repent,
             you will all perish as they did.
                                      —Luke 13.2-3

To repent I begin by trashing my list
of those whose sin is surely worse than mine.
The point is not to judge how far someone is
from perfect love, but how far off I am.

When I separate myself from them—
even those I despise—who are my own flesh,
I diminish. I wither. I perish.

Instead, I accept the profound evil of the world,
and that I am part of it.
Goodness is not anyone’s, but God’s alone.
All of us, equally sinful, equally forgiven,
are one Body, warring against itself,
one flesh, unwell and graced.

In this mystery is peace,
a baptismal drowning and rising,
in which I am serene, humbled,
given courage, and ready to repent.

Not by being better, but by being one,
I face even the cruelest
without pride or fear,
with the generous strength of mercy and grace.

__________________
Steve Garnaas-Holmes
Unfolding Light
www.unfoldinglight.net
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There was a moment
she stood in a doorway
dressed as a princess,
holding a plastic pitchfork,
lit from behind with magic,
and she looked perfect,
even the pitchfork,
little angel and little devil,
because she had just
totally trashed the play room.
And he knew
both the princess and the imp
were costumes; the real girl
was deep inside.

That night he watched her sleeping,
watched her a long time,
wondering at the real girl
she still was, deep inside,
even sleeping, still her,
for whom his love would not change.

Now these many years later
he remembers that,
sitting by her mother’s bedside
in the memory unit where,
costumed in harsh bewilderment,
she is more imp than princess,
and most of the time neither,
but hardly there,
and yet
there she is, the real person
deep inside,
all the costumes shed now,
so much of her mostly sleeping,
and yet, still there, still her,
for whom his love would not change.

__________________
Steve Garnaas-Holmes
Unfolding Light
www.unfoldinglight.net
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           “Get away from here, for Herod wants to kill you….”
           Go and tell that fox for me, ‘’I will finish my work….
           How I have desired to gather your children as a hen…”
                                 —from Luke 13.31-34

What guts!— to choose to be the hen of God
in the kingdom of the fox—

unmoved by the threats of the predator,
choosing to be gentle and unprotected;

surrendering self as center, to claim the masses as family;
risking death, to give life; to offer shelter.


I am not a citizen of the Empire of Anxiety,
nor fearful of the Fox.

I belong to the Mother Hen of God.
I live in the land of resurrection.

          Beloved, I choose to follow. Be my love,
          my power and my shield, my hope and my courage.

__________________
Steve Garnaas-Holmes
Unfolding Light
www.unfoldinglight.net
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Violence is quick; healing is slow.
Ask the bone, the tree, the heart.
Love takes time.

We crave instant success
not for love of the present moment
but fear of it:
we want to move on.
But our sudden outbursts
of self-assertion will expire;
God will remain.

God prays for you
for ten thousand years
before you are born.

Don’t be fooled by the Instant Way.
Nothing good happens there.
Love outlasts its little deaths.
Commit yourself to the long and gentle path.
Yes, evil ones may undo you in a moment—
this is the truth of the cross.
But God has been preparing your resurrection
since the beginning of time,
and even now it ripens, and is ready.

__________________
Steve Garnaas-Holmes
Unfolding Light
www.unfoldinglight.net
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          Some Pharisees came and said to him,
          “Get away from here, for Herod wants to kill you.”
          He said, “Tell that fox for me,
          ‘Listen, I am casting out demons and performing cures
          today and tomorrow, and on the third day I finish my work.”
                                        —Luke 13.31-32

Not in the swirling unknown of a dark future,
not in my dread of the end,
but here and now, today and tomorrow,
I put my heart and mind to healing,
to being present this day.
I will not be wrenched from today,
or distracted from my work
of mercy and love,
no matter how the future may threaten.
At my end my work will be whole,
finished in love.
And even if the end is too soon,
the third day, my friend,
is a day of rising, victorious.

__________________
Steve Garnaas-Holmes
Unfolding Light
www.unfoldinglight.net
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             “Get away from here, for Herod wants to kill you.”
                         —Luke 13.31

The hallmark of evil
is that it never creates, only destroys.

Evil never loves, only hates,
favors cruelty over kindness, lies over truth,

anger over mercy,
resentment over forgiveness.

Evil reaches for the curse or the sword,
and never risks its own advantage.

Easy as it is to name this in others,
how hard it is to avoid it myself.

To bless even those who curse,
to disrupt evil by creating, not destroying,

to share my advantage with those with less:
this is the great challenge.

Overcoming my own evil
uproots half the Empire’s.

            Beloved, may your reign of grace
            overtake the kingdom of my heart.

__________________
Steve Garnaas-Holmes
Unfolding Light
www.unfoldinglight.net
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             Some Pharisees came and said to him,
             “Get away from here, for Herod wants to kill you.”
                         —Luke 13.31

Now suddenly those old temptations get real.
The bread, security and power
that Caesar and Satan offer or withhold
feel different now.
Now, when the Empire threatens,
not in the safety of the desert,
our answer matters.

As in the desert, the Emperor’s threats
are mere temptations, illusions born of fear and desire.
We need no magic wand, no shielding angels,
no protection of the kingdom.

The Emperor wants me to be afraid.
I will not comply.
My power lies not in what I fear, but what I trust.

            God, help me to choose empathy over Empire,
            to stand for love against the threat of pain,
            to disregard the kingdom of fear
            and trust the ecology of your grace.

__________________
Steve Garnaas-Holmes
Unfolding Light
www.unfoldinglight.net
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