God, you love me purely, but I don’t trust that.
I’ve been brainwashed by self-centered fear.
It’s an instinct, a reflex, an addiction. I can’t stop it.
It has taken over me. I’m not even in control.
I believe the right things, but I don’t live them.
I don’t do the good I mean to, I do the evil I hate.
I’m not even choosing; my fear is.
I’m on the right side in good versus evil,
but I keep scoring for the other team!
In my mind I think I’m faithful to your love,
but in reality I’m being controlled by my sin.
I’ve been kidnapped. My heart has been hijacked.
I can’t get out of this. Trying harder doesn’t work.
I’m trapped. I’m doomed.
What a wretched person I am! Who will rescue me?
Come to me.
You are weary and heavily burdened.
I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you and learn from me,
for I am gentle and humble in spirit,
and you will find rest for your souls.
For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
Thanks be to God, through the Beloved, Jesus Christ.
I admit I am powerless over my sin
and my life has become unmanageable.
I believe a power greater than myself
can restore me to wholeness.
I choose to turn my will and my life over to the care of God
as I experience God.
God, it is not my goodness,
but your goodness in me
that saves me.
Breath prayer: Not my goodness … but yours
[Romans 7.14-25; Matthew 11.28-30; The 12 Steps of AA]
—July 6, 2017