When Jesus saw him lying there
and knew that he had been there a long time,
he said to him, “Do you want to be made well?”
Oh, God, so many things I pray for
I don’t really want.
I pretend I’m fine.
Help me to want your will.
Help me to want to be healed.
I renounce my excuses, all of them.
Loosen my grip on what I cling to.
Heal my fear of being changed,
and what that would look like.
Remove the shortcomings
I have grown to rely on.
Give me grace to surrender,
God, do not listen to my loudest voice
but the quiet one
that will turn my will over to you.
Yes. I want to be made well.
—May 23, 2019