You desire truth in the inward being;
therefore teach me wisdom in my secret heart.
— Psalm 51. 6
When there is trouble there are always people to blame.
But I pray for the wisdom to look at myself—
not with blame, but curiosity.
What is my part in this?
What am I overlooking or denying?
King David sustained his denial until Nathan shattered it.
My evil may not be as monstrous, my lie as thick.
But—have I desired something other than people’s wellbeing?
What fear keeps me from seeking truth in the inward being?
Am I hiding from myself some attachment I can’t let go of,
that causes hurt?
Can I let it go, and let the light in?
God, you desire truth in the inward being.
Help me see, and honor the truth, and turn toward wholeness,
trusting that there, in my secret heart
beneath all shame and brokenness
is your grace.
July 30, 2021