Knowing he had been there a long time,
Jesus said to him, “Do you want to be made well?”
Perhaps it was a challenge:
Do you want to be healed,
or are you too used to it
to want to leave that life behind?
Have you grown fond of complaining,
accustomed to lying here,
unwilling to be changed?
To which the answer may have been:
You can only obsess with what you want
for so long. After 38 years I am at peace with what is.
But, yes. I would rather be well.
But maybe it was just an invitation,
a way of saying, “May I?”
When I come to my prayers,
do I want to be transformed?
Do I realize I need to be healed?
Or do I think that’s Jesus’ job, to notice?
Do I know my sin makes me sick,
my fears and desires paralyze me?
How often do I ask for stuff
but forget to open myself
to being made new?
Yes, Beloved, yes.
I want to be made well.