When I can’t hold on

           Peter said, “Though all become deserters
           because of you, I will never desert you.”
           Jesus said to him, “Truly I tell you,
           this very night, before the cock crows,
           you will deny me three times.”

                           —Matthew 26. 33-34

Oh, Jesus, sometimes I will act as if I do not know you.
I’ll act as if I am in need, alone, unaccompanied.
I will fail to share, to forgive, to bless, to risk, to speak out.
I’ll choose not to trust God, but be selfish.
In an argument I will be sure to win and forget to love.
You will be carted off, and I will slip away.
You will be shot in the street and I will turn the page.
And still you will claim me… forgive me…
seat me beside you, in a place of honor
and give me your body.
Still you love, and will always love.
Still you hold me close
with the faithfulness I writhe against.
Give me the weakness to allow myself
to be so outrageously loved,
so taken, that it’s at least a little harder to desert you.
Even in my unfaithfulness
give me your faithfulness.
When I can’t hold on, hold me.

Steve Garnaas-Holmes
Unfolding Light
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