People who clamor that we should get back to the “Biblical family” don’t know what they’re talking about. Biblical families are sick. Cain murders Abel. Abraham passes his wife off as his sister so men might take her without killing him. Later he tries to kill his son. Jacob cheats Esau and his mom helps him run away. Later he trades deceptions with his father in law. Like Grandpa Abe, he has multiple wives. Joseph’s brothers sell him into slavery. David rapes Bathsheba, gets her husband murdered, and marries her. His son Absalom revolts against him and is killed in the war. Jesus’ parables about families all involve disobedient or estranged sons. There doesn’t seem to be a model biblical family; they’re all dysfunctional. They all struggle, and sometimes succeed, to be faithful to each other. In the Bible, family is where you have to work out your Stuff, so you do.
But wait. There is one model of family the Bible consistently smiles on: faithful, loving, functional families. You know who that is? Single mothers. Hagar and Ishmael. Naomi and Ruth. The widow of Zarepheth and her son. The Syrophonecian woman who argues with Jesus for her daughter. Even the Virgin Mary, in a sense. In the gospels, especially at the crucifixion, Mary functions as a single mom. When Jesus lists the things you might sacrifice for your faith—house, lands, family—he says you’ll receive all, including mother and siblings, but no dad. A single-mother family. On the cross, referring to Mary, he says to John, “Behold your mother.” A family is created, not by blood, but by choice —with a single mom. The closest thing to the Bible’s ideal family is a single mother and her kids.
The Bible’s models don’t match our ideals. They reveal God’s preference for those who don’t quite fit our systems and stereotypes. What makes a “biblical family” isn’t anatomy, it’s relationship. It isn’t a father, it’s faithfulness.